sarcvicious

I'm tired of letting my depression control my life. My therapist said that people use their bipolar like a crutch, trying to excuse their actions (misbehaviour) by saying "well I can't help it, I'm bipolar". I don't think I have EVER used my bipolar as a reason to justify my actions or make my behaviours seem more acceptable; no, I am plenty able to hate myself with full intensity. I don't think any "justification" would change that fact when I'm in the lows of my depression. A female friend who is going through relationship issues similar to me (but is seemingly handling them a lot better) said soemthing that finally made me "get it". Men g

Every time I write something on here I delete it. I guess because I don't want the memories on here that will potentially bite me in the ass in the incoming future. Quick Update: I was in the hospital for a week during November after a long night of drinking, bad ex's, and an overdose. Im fine now. I'm off all my medications, and I feel great about it. I'm basically cutting off all of my close friends from the past year, as I'm tired of them fucking me over and being disloyal when I'm the one who ALWAYS has their backs. I don't want to deal with their bullshit two-faced personalities anymore and "accidentally" spill all their secrets one

I am automatically repelled by the site of you, but you always lure me in. I know what I'm doing isn't right, but at the time I can't help myself...you get in my head too deeply. It'd be so much easier to cut you out of my life completely and never look back, but you have this way of popping back into it when I least except it and least need it. I jealous that other people can be with you, and have a "normal" relationship, while I'm left constantly needing more and more of what little I get. Time with you puts me on top of the world, but the come down is just SO so bad. I regret ever letting you into my life. My world revolved around you. I